Posted by: dreamxlogic on: November 9, 2008
The other day, I went to the office to sign in for the spare folk. We usually designate one person to sign everybody in at once. On Fridays, it’s me. D’onofrio, check; Do, check; Nota, check…Tran…It wasn’t there, and for the longest few seconds of my life, I felt like I didn’t exist. I checked the page twice, three times and I was no where to be found. I thought I had been forgotten, or re-enrolled in some class that I had just skipped and would then be suspended for skipping which would be on my permanent record and therefore, ruin all chances of me getting into university. Surely, I was unneccessarily spazzing, but I had never felt so insignificant and worthless in my entire life. It turned out that my name was just bumped onto the next page since more students had recieved spare the day before, which happened to be the last day to drop a course. Still, that feeling never really left me. In a few weeks, i have to decide what i want to do with my life, for the rest of my life, and I really don’t think there’ll be much room for u-turns. It’s as if that abstract goal that I’ve been working towards is finally coming, and it’s travelling at 100km/h; as if everything that I’ve learnt and experienced will somehow get me to where i’m supposed to go. University.
I haven’t exactly been preparing for this enough, mentally anyways. I mean, I’ve looked up potential courses, and programs and obviously different universities, but I never really thought this moment, this part of life would ever come. You know, the whole growing up thing. What with tuition being as expensive as it is, it seems like we’re all competing with other twelfth graders to make something of ourselves. You’d think the ‘future of tomorrow’ would be a bigger investment than a war half way across the world that is not only wasting resources, but sacrificing the lives of our brave men and women for an ambiguous cause. I still have no clue what I’ll do after I get my degree, that official looking piece of paper that tells people i’ve just spent 4 years of my life learning things I’ll probably never use in my realized career. I’d love to just say ‘whatever’ right now, but it would seem a little irresponsible to say such a thing in the face of one of the biggest decisions of my life, so, instead, I say “let’s scream until we can’t walk” because I really need to release some tension. Ttfn , tatafornow.
Posted by: dreamxlogic on: November 9, 2008
Quarter-Heartedly
Hearts don’t grow on trees, but i never had one to begin with. Fuck love, I want fire, we’ll set the night aflame with all that pent-up desire.
I took the liberty of erasing your messages and deleting every memory of you. If i never have to look into your eyes again and see how much you never wanted me, it can be like you never existed. But really, who were we? We danced around in the rain and didn’t pay any attention to the people staring from inside. We left all our fears behind and now, you never seem to care enough. Why can’t you just go back to that? Why can’t you?
I keep to myself, but for the first time, it felt right to let you in. No regrets. Now, what i kep has been stolen, and I’ll never get that part of me back. You repeat my words, almost in admiration. You laughed as I cried, but those were tears that you never saw. You propelled yourself into the limelight at my expense, a cost you never had to repay, but I’m keeping a tab and baby, you’re six feet deep in debt.
All that’s left of me is a crumpled letter and a broken spirit. At night, I scream. If you listen closely, you’ll hear it.
Didn’t anybody ever tell you you’re not supposed to kill young girls? You took me by the hand and led me to the edge off of which I jumped. You said you would catch me, so I plunged into the darkness and you weren’t there. I haven’t seen the light of day since. You killed me, but I would still take that step off the cliff for you. That’s what hurts the most. That’s what keeps me awake. That’s all I have left, because that part of me you once knew has died. Here I am, clutching onto this sheet of lined paper as if it means something; as if you even remember what you wrote on it. I had you all figured out, but I miscalculated since you never knew me at all. Knew her at all. Yes, she’s gone and they can’t find her body.
You belonged to your friends, your money, and your guitar. Me, I’m just a lingering memory that will never go away.
Lips like morphine, and eyes set to kill.
Your hair is fraying and your hands just won’t keep still.
Skin like snow, flawless and cold.
You keep breaking hearts, but it’s getting old.
That boy had lips like morphine and a gaze that left me gasping.
Posted by: dreamxlogic on: September 16, 2008
She strolls down the hallway, reminding herself to keep her head down. If any eyecontact was made, she would never know, but the embarassment could not be avoided unless she kept her head down. She bumps into someone, but she didn’t bother to look. She swore she heard him say her name, her full name. Thing is, she already knew who it was. She could tell. The wisp of blond and the hint of a lisp. Memories from another time. She wanted to stop walking and look back, at the off chance that she would catch him looking back too. She felt the entry of the ice cold steel into her back. It penetrated her skin and left her bleeding profusely on the hallway floor. She didn’t look back, not once. She couldn’t. With her right hand, she tried to block the wound, and with the other, she wiped away her tears despite the anguish it caused her to move that arm. She could hear the crazy English teacher yell through the corridor, warning students to hurry to class before the anthem. It is already ten minutes after the bell and she realizes she’s already in class, her notebook open in front of her, and three quarters of the note already copied. She feels the tingling of blood rushing to her numb left hand, and the wetness of the paper she was writing on. She was sitting alone and told herself that he never existed. There were still three more classes, a forty minute lunch and the rest of her life to bump into him again.
Posted by: dreamxlogic on: August 29, 2008
For
Forgive and forget.
It’s just a memory.
She wanted more than she could have. She wanted you, but you belonged to your friends, your chevy and your guitar. Granted, it only had five notes, green, red, yellow, blue, and orange, but it was your thing. Among the sea of flushed faces, she would search for the Read the rest of this entry »
Posted by: dreamxlogic on: August 29, 2008
One Day as a Crocodile
The look of fear in their eyes stabbed her like a knife, but she persisted. She didn’t want to be alone anymore.
She asked them Read the rest of this entry »
