dreamxlogic

The other day, I went to the office to sign in for the spare folk. We usually designate one person to sign everybody in at once. On Fridays, it’s me. D’onofrio, check; Do, check; Nota, check…Tran…It wasn’t there, and for the longest few seconds of my life, I felt like I didn’t exist. I checked the page twice, three times and I was no where to be found. I thought I had been forgotten, or re-enrolled in some class that I had just skipped and would then be suspended for skipping which would be on my permanent record and therefore, ruin all chances of me getting into university. Surely, I was unneccessarily spazzing, but I had never felt so insignificant and worthless in my entire life. It turned out that my name was just bumped onto the next page since more students had recieved spare the day before, which happened to be the last day to drop a course. Still, that feeling never really left me. In a few weeks, i have to decide what i want to do with my life, for the rest of my life, and I really don’t think there’ll be much room for u-turns. It’s as if that abstract goal that I’ve been working towards is finally coming, and it’s travelling at 100km/h; as if everything that I’ve learnt and experienced will somehow get me to where i’m supposed to go. University.

I haven’t exactly been preparing for this enough, mentally anyways. I mean, I’ve looked up potential courses, and programs and obviously different universities, but I never really thought this moment, this part of life would ever come. You know, the whole growing up thing. What with tuition being as expensive as it is, it seems like we’re all competing with other twelfth graders to make something of ourselves. You’d think the ‘future of tomorrow’ would be a bigger investment than a war half way across the world that is not only wasting resources, but sacrificing the lives of our brave men and women for an ambiguous cause. I still have no clue what I’ll do after I get my degree, that official looking piece of paper that tells people i’ve just spent 4 years of my life learning things I’ll probably never use in my realized career. I’d love to just say ‘whatever’ right now, but it would seem a little irresponsible to say such a thing in the face of one of the biggest decisions of my life, so, instead, I say “let’s scream until we can’t walk” because I really need to release some tension. Ttfn , tatafornow.